As 2010 starts, I just would like to recall some memories (highlights) of the previous year.
January
We celebrated New Year (2009) with so much glee. The Belleza Family was complete that time. My aunt from Japan came back to celebrate Christmas and New Year with us in Davao.
This was also the time I took courage to run for CS Rep in the Samahan Elections.
My celebration was not that happy that year. Unlike in 2008, no birthday surprises, less gifts, and friends did not come to my house to celebrate with my family and me. I would say it was not that fun but I still cherished that day, my last teenage celebration.
February
I was elected as the new CS Rep. It was amazing how my batch mates and friends supported me all throughout the campaign period.
This was also the time that our place was caught in fire. It was devastating because lots of houses were burned but fortunately ours was spared. I could still remember how I reacted when my mom called and told me about it. She was telling me that maybe when we get there, we would only see ashes and what remained from the fire. I was in shock. I could not articulate what I felt that time. I was doing GACP work, I still had the guts to finish it while whispering my prayers to the Lord. I was like walking heading to nowhere. I did not want to feel anything that time. I was like hopeless but I was still praying. The ride from school to our house was like the longest travel I have ever had. I was imagining the house and what could it be after the fire. I was thinking of a heavy rain or maybe a tidal wave could help stop the fire. I thought of almost everything that I was hoping God would do just to stop the fire. When I got there, people were crying. It was very smoky. Dark, suffocating smokes were everywhere. It was so crowded with people and saved stuffs. I met my aunt and told me their home and the houses in front of ours were all gone. And the best thing I heard was, our house was safe. It was amazing. I couldn’t thank enough the Lord for answering my prayer. The house in front of ours, which is like 6 human steps away, was totally eaten by fire. It’s really a miracle. I couldn’t stop crying when I got into the house.
Another tragedy that struck the family was that with my Lolo. He got totally sick that he was in the ICU for quite some time. He had heart, lung, and kidney failure; and some other diseases due to old age. It was so hard for the family, emotionally and financially. It was very sad and traumatic.
March
The saddest month of the year. We lost our dear Lolo on the 7th of this month. After almost a month in the ICU, Lolo passed away during his dialysis. I heard the news through a text from my sister. She said Lolo was gone. I was in Kimmy’s house doing SAD and Thesis. I paused and told my friends that my Lolo passed away. I smiled, bowed my head and started crying. It was very painful. I couldn’t believe that it was really true. I was expecting him to be OK. I was wishing that he’ll be in my graduation. I excused myself, went to the bedroom and cried silently. I woke up early so I could go home as early as possible. When I got there, Lolo was already upstairs, resting. I’ve never seen this happy family so sad before. Some were fighting their tears back, some were really crying. I was afraid to show my tears, so I always go to the room when I couldn’t stop my tears from falling. We were in pain but we were strong as a family. Knowing that we’re there for each other gave us the strength to face the loss, to accept, to see the light. March 16th, the burial, was the culmination. It was the saddest. People were crying. Some were wailing. I couldn’t stop crying. The last look was so painful. But again, we had to be strong. After it, every Monday, we visit Lolo.
June - December
I met new friends and family mostly from Samahan Central Board, my CSSEC family (Yang2x, Chuch, Marian, Eaque, CJ, Karen, Jem, Kring, Morny, Kimmy, Jeff, Kamz, Jake, Raffy, Paolo) and Bahaghari—my B family (Jazi, Drew and Jefford) w/ Ianne, Kuya Kevz, Ate Sheng, Beiah, etc. Of course, I could not forget my kambal, Jonathan, who eventually became my best friend. During this period, I was hooked with my responsibility as the CS Rep and somehow did not give much priority on my academics. This also was the period when I learned to appreciate the tragedies that happened to my family and me in the earlier half of the year. I also became happier and amazed of the beautiful things that were happening in my life. I could never thank God enough for making me wonderfully happy despite the losses and pains. It’s amazing how His plans work. God really knows what to do to fill in the voids in my heart, to make me feel special and loved. There were also first times that I’ve done this year that helped me learn more about life. I became more patient and understanding. And of course, been able to become a better person.
This year has been very significant to my life. I lost some, but I earned a lot. The tragedies and pains made me a better person. It made me appreciate God’s plans more. So this 2010, I have a strong and happy heart to face the new challenges and experience more happiness and wonderful blessings.
The Blogger
Saturday, January 2, 2010
My 2009: A Recall
Friday, October 23, 2009
A Morning with My Beautiful Chinese Friend
Yesterday, I sent a text message to my friend asking her if she would do her daily jogging today. She replied yes and we decided to do it this morning. That night, I was really into emotional roller coaster. But also that night, I learned what's wrong. Thanks to my bestfriend Jonathan who helped me understand and realize what's happening in me. I had to sleep early yet I couldn't because I had to do thesis docs. So I slept at almost 2AM. I had a sound sleep that I almost forgot that I had a jogging session with Kimmy. Good thing she called because if she didn't I'd wake up at 8AM. Hahah. So I readied myself and waited for her at the lobby of Royal Mandaya Hotel (I was in a stay-in seminar). She fetched me using their Red Adventure. I loved the experience. It thrilled me. Being able to experience someone to fetch me infront of a hotel made me really happy. It was my first. Forever I'll remember it. We went to Ladislawa Garden Village. It was my first time to really get in the village and toured somehow. Another first. I had fun chatting with Kimmy while jogging, walking, and looking at the houses. It's inspiring to see beautiful houses. It has given me a probable architectural design for my own house someday. Helped me realize what I like and don't like in a house. All in all I had so much fun roving around Ladislawa and seeing new people doing the same thing early morning. Of course, the jogging was so much fun because of our chat, Kim and I. After Ladislawa we went to McDo to have our breakfast. There we continued our chat and got a bit more serious. We talked about traveling, friendship, self-control, the PAUSE principle, future plans, married life, etc. I had a good time with my beautiful friend. After McDo she brought me back to the hotel. So many first times that happened today. First time jogging with my beautiful Chinese friend, Kimmy. A wonderful morning I'll forever treasure. Thanks, Kimmy. :)
Sunday, October 18, 2009
Because I can only do so much
In life there are things that you have no control of. Even how much you try to put things in place, perfectly design it, do your best and give your all, they may not just be enough.
I learned that I could only do so much; that despite all my efforts, things may not go my way, as what I expect them to be.
I have done things that I have never done before—my firsts. I thought that if I go beyond my routines, that if I do something unusual, that if I do it, things will be perfectly beautiful. But it was not the case.
I have done my best. I have been very prepared. I thought that if things are in place, that if all are set, that if I am just prepared, things will be smooth sailing. Again, it was not the case.
I have given my all. In my perspective, I gave my all. I thought that if I won’t hold back, that if I do everything I can do and give, things would go my way. It was not the case.
At the end of the day, I realized that even if I did what I’ve never done before, did my very best and gave my all, it’s not always an assurance that things will be perfectly well. There are things that I, we, have no control of like sickness, natural calamity, etc. I can have no control of them nor prevent them from coming. They are external. They are beyond my control.
It is just sad that my efforts could be wasted because these external factors may not coincide with what I plan, with what I want to happen. And so I prayed that they might be very kind to me, that God intervenes and let not external factors ruin my plans. I asked for a divine intervention but it did not work, at least not the way I expected the answered prayer to be. In short, things did not go perfectly well. I was frustrated and disappointed. My efforts. My money. My time. My happiness. Not so much catered.
But I realized, I should still be thankful for what happened. First, I learned to do something new and it was a wonderful feeling to be able to do something out of passion, and not just because of a mere requirement or anything. Second, I should be proud of myself for being prepared, for doing my best to make things well. I think it is something I should be happy for. Lastly, I should never be frustrated nor lose heart because of some unfortunate events. What mattered more was that I gave my all. I am never regretful. I realized that I am already happy of what happened. I was just clouded of the not-so-good events that I failed to see the beauty of my experience.
I am HAPPY. Things may have not gone my way but it was more than enough that in my own capacity, I gave everything I got. And that I still worked on to make things perfectly well. So, I enjoyed, had fun and learned something new in this life.
Monday, October 12, 2009
Special Day, Special Place
This is a special day. For so many wonderful and simple reasons, this day is very special to me. There's no any grand thing that happened yet I am soooo happy, that's why this is a special day. :)
A little traveling, some indirect answers to questions, waiting a bit, going to a convenience store to check prices, short text messages, lunch with my bestfriend, seeing my other friends after their Techno defense, and visiting my Lolo made this day very special.
I love the simplicity of what I did. There was so much energy and fun. There was excitement. So much happiness. So much passion.
Traveling became so interesting. It's a bit time-consuming but I wanted to extend it, that destination was farther, to enjoy the moment. I had fun giving indirect answers to
some questions. Made me feel witty. I enjoyed the waiting part underneath a tree. Solitude gave me time to think and reflect and be happy of what is about to happen. Also, it was good to check some prices in a convenience store. Look for cheaper products. Try to budget money. And get the feeling that great things are about to happen. Short text messages also made me smile. Even those words are not directly coming from the mouth of the people who sent them, I still feel the warmth of those messages. I had lunch with my bestfriend in the FoodCourt. It was our first time to eat together there. It's a wonderful feeling that you have someone to eat meal with and talk on some stuff while eating. I just c
an't eat alone. That's me. And yeah, seeing my beautiful friends after their Techno defense and sharing good news contributed to the happines I am feeling right now. I am just so proud of them for making it. One more sem and we're done guys! :) Lastly, visiting my Lolo in Buhangin Memorial Park was the culmination of this special day. I miss him so much and I missed going to that place. I saw my grandma and other relatives when I got there. It was almost drizzling so I hurried to some special spots in that place. It's so wonderful to be in
that place again. Reminiscing of the wonderful things that happened there. Taking photos of those spots. And videotaking of God's lightning show. All of these made my day more special.
Saturday, October 10, 2009
A Dream Bond
Sometimes, in life there really are bonds formed that can never be broken. Sometimes, you really can find that one person who will stand by you no matter what. Maybe you'll find it in a spouse and celebrate it with your dream wedding, but there's also the chance that the one person you can count on for a lifetime, the one person who knows you, sometimes better than you know yourself, is the same person who's been standing beside you all along. (Bride Wars)
I was struck by these lines from the famous movie Bride Wars. Actually, I have not seen the movie yet. Someone shared these lines. True, indeed. There really are bonds that can never be broken. Not because it is unbreakable, but because it's a choice to stick together, forever. It's rare, though. It's so hard to sustain bonds. Problems, temptations and the like will try to challenge and break them. But these are just tests. If taken constructively, these will help a bond to be stronger and better. I really admire those people who stick together no matter what. Facing the problems together, holding each other hands. Doing their best to sustain the love and holding on to each others' promises. Sticking to the commitment and vow they once made.
I dream to have such bond. And I would fight and work for it. A rare bond that is worth my lifetime. Yet, I can never know the answer until my very last breath.
Friday, October 9, 2009
yoUPay
Today, or should I say, yesterday, October 9, 2009 was the due for the payment of Kalasag subscription. Kalasag is the official yearbook of Ateneo de Davao University-College. This blog is I know late to campaign to pay. But I just want to still put an entry about it because I really love their concept-- yoUPay. By the way, this is my first entry after long months of hibernation. So, I'm back to the online world. I'd try my best to keep people updated of my daily or weekly activities. That is if there are people following me or reading my blog entries. Anyway, yoUPay is derived from the Disney Pixar movie UP. I really love the movie so I'm loving their campaign, too. I recommend this film. If you have not watched it, 
try buying original DVDs. If you can't afford, you may get it from torrent sites. I just want to share photos that I took from my phone. The first one is the campaign stilt of the Kalasag and the other one is the red balloon that I have in our closet room, which is still breathing. I mean, has not yet really deflated. It still has shape but with wrinkles and signs of aging. Hahah. I really love balloons. I really keep them if I get the chance to bring them home, the more reason if they are given to me by people I love. Well, because I love the campaign of Kalasag I paid earlier but it won't discount the fact that I returned my Graduate Profile Form very late. This would be all for now. More entries in the next days.
Monday, May 4, 2009
Not a Lonely Day After All
I was tying my shoelaces in the jeep. After it I saw no one in there but me and realized I was alone. This is a day that I want some company but no one was there. I can’t seem to find any friend to make me feel that I am not alone. I was expecting some people but they’re nowhere to be found. This is one of those days that I become melodramatic. That I feel that close friends are getting far from me. That I am not needed and wanted anymore. That I am no longer special.
I was self-talking to accompany myself. I was looking for something to entertain me. I was alone and I want to cheer myself up. Before the jeep traveled any farther I realized that today is Monday and I should be visiting my grandpa. I stopped near the flyover and rode a jeep heading to Cabantian. No one was there but me. I talked to my grandpa while cleaning his gravestone. I was really in need of company. My uncle came and so did the rest of the family just a couple of minutes after. I realized then that I am never alone. I have my family and relatives. Most especially, God never fails to make me feel accompanied.
And sometimes there will be people who will drop by, unexpectedly appreciate your hair and make you feel less lonely. :)
I thank God that this is not a lonely day after all.
Saturday, April 11, 2009
It's Good Friday Again.
I can still remember that my first ever post here is related to my Good Friday experience last year.
This year's Good Friday is totally different from last year's. I am just at home. I watched my favorite Anime show in Hero TV (Prince of Tennis), Charmed in Velvet and the 7 Last Words in ABS-CBN. I thought watching TV on this day won't make any difference in me but I was wrong. The 7 Last Words was very inspiring, healing, and moving.
I was inspired by the people who shared their individual testimonies of faith. There was this person who lost his vocal chords because of larynx cancer. He was at first doubtful of what God's plan for him and even questioned why, for all the people in this word, him. But he accepted God's plan for him with a welcoming heart eventually.
I was healed. While watching I can't hold my tears from falling. Later I realized it was my way for cleansing my heart and soul. The words from the Lord even how many times I've heard before are always as good as new whenever I hear them again. The lessons, the faith, the LOVE of God to us, these are the things that healed me and made me feel that I am becoming more like Chris little by little.
I was moved. One priest said that we should have the courage to accept that God loves us. Why? Because God's love can only be felt if we are willing to accept it and see it. We face problems. We lose someone very special, our house is burned, we failed in the exam, and many other problems that we may encounter. Sometimes, we feel that God has not loved us at all because of all these struggles. But, if we just follow the will of God and accept it, we will feel that there is so much LOVE from God given to us. Every struggle brings the best in us if we just let God be with us. God loves us very much that he wants to bring the best in us. He wants us to trust HIM and continue our faith.
I have a different Good Friday now but I thank God that I learned more.
Thursday, April 9, 2009
I am BACK!
It's been a while since my last post here. I realized that I should be updating my blog because there may be some people who find my blog entries interesting. :)
I am BACK finally. I'll be posting some past experiences and recent updates.
I am still active in mylot.com (click the marquee link below). The site really pays. I have bought something abroad already from my earnings. :D
Sunday, December 7, 2008
Advices and Options
Personally, I want people to let me decide for myself, means, I don't seek for the "advice" but let them make me realize on things through helping me weigh on things. A friend told me that when they do counseling, they don't necessarily provide advices to the person. He said, an advice is like commanding the person to do that because that is the right thing to do. So instead, they give options. They provide scenes of consequences if you do that, if you don't do that and that sort. I think that way is more helpful because you have no one to blame if your decision fails and you have yourself to congratulate if you made it right. I really believe on Socrates as he said that true insight comes from within. So, I suggest, you make decisions on your own but seek help on how to do these things. I do that. I consider the ideas of others but I made the final decision. And as an adviser, I don't tell my friends to do things because that make things better but instead I tell them what can be the possibilities and just let them realize on their own.
Friday, October 17, 2008
Advent of the Break
Wheeew! Just last Thursday, the school works ended. Yey! We were so happy that we wanted to celebrate the beginning of our semestral break. Cly, darl, eaque. jeff and I went to SM to have some pizza treat. It took time for us to decide where to eat; it was either yellow cub or greenwich. We chose greenwich because the store was cheaper. The ordering took some time too because we were so not used to choose what pizza to partake. We ended up eating a sari-sari party square plus the overloaded pizza, that one with shawarma. We have some chitchats while eating. Btw, i think i have the most pizza eaten. LOL. We did a window shopping. Still, on computers. LOL. We looked for external hard disks, mobile phones, and some techy stuff. Then, we enjoyed the amusement in their arcade. At first, we planned to take the videoke but ended up playing with race cars. I was bad with that game. I can't seem to win. LOL. After everbody played with that virtual race, we tried to make it real. We went to the bump car station. LOL. Yes, we played with bump cars. My first try was a disaster. The car was not moving; it did not move at all until the time ended. I was pissed. I asked for another round but I have no one to play with. Thankfully, the assigned guy was kind and let the three of us play again while the two bought another tickets. I really enjoyed the ride, the bumping, the little pain and the laughs. I think the audience enjoyed watching us. LOL. We tried other games too like gun shooting and motor racing. We strolled for a while and decided to take the last full show. Darl had to go home early so we accompanied here out then went to the super market to buy cly's stuff and our snacks for the movie. We watched Mag-ingat ka sa Kulam of Judy Ann Santos. My companions, I think, were scared really. I enjoyed seeing them jumping off their seats and scream a little. LOL Ero Ero Azero. I love those lines. I like the story. I love the experience. I am happy that I decided to join them.
Earn Money and Friends @ myLot.com
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
I am now in BlogCatalog.
All this time I thought I was part of the BlogCatalog. I visited yesterday on the site and saw that my blog's status is REJECTED. So that was the reason my face won't register whenever I visit a site with a Blogcatalog widget in it. So I tried to add my blog again wishing that this time it would be approved. And alas, it happened. In just a day, The Soliloquist became a part of the BC family. I like the site. There are so many people with so many things to say about anything and everything. I like that there are discussions. I hope the site would really help me build traffic to my site. Also, gain friends.
Sunday, October 5, 2008
Home Alone
I AM HOME ALONE! I am supposed to be there with my family in my uncle's private resort but I refused because of this Project Management work. So by the time I decided to really wake up this morning, I was left at home alone. I really feel alone. This night, I ate my dinner alone. I decided to watch some random movie to entertain myself but I found no interesting film. I was about to take a ride when a friend asked me to bring him the MAC OSX Installer. So I went there and walked. I was alone walking in that dim-lit streets. My friend told me that I should be cautious. We talked for a while and I left. I was alone again. While heading I was thinking of writing this entry and be more informative. I thought of searching the effects of being home alone or what. But, I realized I should stick to my own feelings and experiences that base this post to any others' reflections. So i dumped that idea as I threw that leftover I saw in the dining table. I planned to get our dog inside but again I did not do it. I realized that he may be used to it and I can't afford him to be just licking my whole body while I am working with this project we have. By the way. before I reached home, I passed by a wake of a neighbor. There were lots who visit his wake. From that place to our home is about 98 steps, my steps. Well, steps could vary. The place is so dark. I feel all alone again. I opened the door and saw no one (obviously). I opened the lights, the TV, the computer, the laptop, the air conditioner, many more. I am really looking for some company. I thought of going out but then realized that that is not me. I am a home buddy. So now, I am putting this loneliness to words. Solitude really makes me reflect. I can use my being a soliloquist right this very moment. I only have myself. I am home alone. I can't wait to have them back home.
Friday, October 3, 2008
Free People Finder
Have been not in contact with friends for so long ago? Leaving you with no recent contacts with them and want to look for them? Or perhaps you lost a friend's contact number and forgot his/her residence address? The search for a friend or a relative or your long lost father is made easy by a free people finder. All you need to know is his/her last name (required) but most preferably his/her complete name, city and state. Once this information are submitted, the system would try to provide you the person's contact number and address. This site also offers a service that would identify a mysterious caller's name and address by just providing his/her phone number. That really makes the search easier, doesn't it? This People Finder site is really offered for FREE unlike other sites which require you payment. However, for the mean time, the site caters only its services to the residents of Canada and United States. So, if you are a resident of those area, you can try their service and see for yourself how effective it is. Enjoy searching @ LookUpWho.com. AND REUNITE WITH THEM.
Php and Flex
I am learning Php and Flex now as part of our course this year. Learning them is really not easy but it is fun. Learning is fun really. We are making now a Room and Laboratory Reservation Monitoring System using the said platform and scripting language. I can't really say we are great at these because this will be the first time we are using these to develop a system. I am looking forward to knowing these more.
Earn Money and Friends @ myLot.com
Saturday, September 20, 2008
Obedience and Letting Go
I'm proud to say that for two consecutive nights I was to attend to two different christian communities. At the first night, my friends and I joined for the first time the Bible study of CCF (Christ's Community Fellowship). We were invited by Kaikai. The message shared was so striking. It was about OBEDIENCE. Obedience to our parents, according to the Bible, is a responsibility. Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for it is right. Well, indeed obedience is right. The pastor even told stories about how obedience made a life of several persons better and the negative effect of doing otherwise. I was enlightened by how important obedience is. It is really something that would benefit us. He said lastly that obedience brings rewards.
This night, Kring and I, went to VCF ( Victory Christian Fellowship). This was the launching of the new Youth Night. We were late because of some project matters. We were not able to catch up with the praise and worship part but we heard the sharing of the WORD. The topic was about LETTING GO OF THE PAST . We should not dwell on the past. If we focus on our past we will forward slowly to the brighter future that awaits us. Also, letting go is very helpful because it is like removing all the baggage we're carrying our lives. These emotional baggage would also hinder us from moving forward. Past is gone, a new one has come. We can never be prisoners of the past. It is good to recall the good memories. But sometimes we should not be just contented of what had happened in the past because there's too much to enjoy. There are a lot of things to expect. There's more to come. Past maybe beautiful, but the present and future can be better.
I am just sharing all of these because I am happy. I want to inspire people to be obedient to there parents and especially to God and to let go of the past. God Bless.
Monday, September 15, 2008
I am a Unique Song.
My bones, my DNA, the whole of me make a unique song. I heard from 1am, a christian band from Malaysia, that every DNA of men makes music. I was really amazed. A member told us that DNA of same species of animals have the same sound, however, every man has his own unique sound from his DNA. Such a revelation to me! I was never regretful that I chose to be on that christian concert than stay at home to watch the PDA Grand Performance Night. With me was Kring and we walked from school to the Victory Christian Fellowship(VCF) center. There, we met new and old faces. I realized that I missed the church people especially those who I consider as inspirations like Kuya Tom, Ate Sai and the Talents InC members. That night was a night of revival. My spiritual cup was almost empty until the end of the concert. It was a rejuvenation. Praise God for everything. I love the praise and worship songs. I love the people there. Most of all, I love God. The concert made me realize that I am a song. A song that I must sing and resonate to the world. We can change the world through our songs of praises. If we just sing in unison, God will surely grant our pleads.
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
I want it back.
You viewed me. It was very unexpected. I was thrilled. But it was painful. I want to resist you but fate seems to enjoy playing with my heart. I don't want to go back to zero. I am moving on. I am almost there. But you came back. Then, get away again. I just want some good friendship. I hate myself for asking for more. I want you to be away for a while. I want my heart back. Give me time. Enough time to move on fully and be just your friend.
Friday, September 5, 2008
Have I been good lately?
During these times when projects are too many and heavy to handle, a simple person like me can no longer inspect himself. I used to do this almost every day. But lately, time is not with me. I am too busy for preparation of documents, reports, presentation and defense. Even now, I am still doing those stuff. These seem endless, although, I know these will end soon. A minute earlier while in the CR, I reflected. I reminisced what I did for the past few days. My idea was just to recall my stressful nights and the accomplished works but it turned out that a question popped into my mind. Have I been GOOD lately? I was stricken by the question. I reflected again and until now, I can't really fully answer it yet. All I know is that I was too busy completing my projects and I am not sure if I cared to be good during those pressing times. I can remember that I was laughing, I was mandating, I was irritated, I said sorry, I cried because of the pressure, I isolated myself to compose it again. There were so many things I did but I am not sure If I did good. I want to be good and I hope I have been.
Sunday, August 24, 2008
Suicide is a SELFISH Act
Suicide is a selfish act. No reason is valid enough to justify such action. Just this morning, my grandma told us that a lady neighbor died, actually killed herself. It was told that she took in a silver cleaner solution. She was in comatose for several minutes in the hospital but later died. It was an awful news. We were happily eating that time. After hearing it, I lost my appetite.
Suicide is a decision. It is a personal choice. A part of me is telling me that our neighbor chose to take away her life and that we can't do anything about it. It was her decision to die. Reviving her would mean violating her right to self-decision. Then, I asked myself, why should they try to save her if at the first place, she's the one who wanted to cease her own life? But at a second thought, I realized that we are also responsible of others. It is also our duty to protect others' life. She may have decided to quit her existence but it doesn't mean that we have to tolerate it and just let it happen.
I am not happy on what happened to her. I was teary when I heard the news. She actually always come to our house. I can still remember everyday she's talking to my mama. My mama is sad. I can really see it in her eyes. She lost a friend. I don't know if I will have a final look in her wake. I just want to remember her as someone who is happy and bubbly. I can't really imagine she did it. She did it because of jealousy. That disappoints me more.
She's gone now. She committed suicide. She was not thinking about what others may feel if she do it. But she still did. It was selfish. She only considered herself.
May she rest in peace.
