My Last Summer Break

This would be probably the last Summer break of my life. After this, I may not be able to experience this anymore because work knows no Summer break. I say that this time is a very crucial time for me. This time is the time to reflect and decide on what path to choose. I would be experiencing a transition that would somehow forever change my life. In this crucial time, I want and need support from people I love and trust because in every decision I make and take I always consider them. Quality time this Summer is all I ask. This is just all I want before a new chapter of my life starts. Before my freedom ends.

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When Days Drag On

It's Summer. No more classes, no more allowance, and no longer anticipating for a new semester. I graduated last March 20, 2010. That was one of the most significant days of my life. Actually, I am not writing to share events of my life. I am here to write something which I think would help me get better inside.

Recently, days drag on like years. It's not because I have nothing to do because I have several plans for Summer like job hunting, SSS application, clearance in school, electoral engagements, etc. I am feeling empty now. I don't know what to do to make things better or to make things how they used to be-- simple and happy. The distance and silence being created are hurting me so much that they leave me empty at the end of the day. But, I believe the distance and silence would help in making things better; in searching for meaning; and in finding happiness again.

What I have to do now is to reform myself into someone that can be loved, trusted, appreciated genuinely. I don't want to be the old person who is jealous, and aggravates things. I want to make up on people I have hurt so much. I want them to see me as someone that is full of love and happiness. I want you to see me that way. I am sorry. Now, I am getting personal.

Days are like years lately. I hope things get better. I miss everything especially the happiness.

I hope the balloons would lift me up to the sky. And there, I'll try to reach the stars and wish that things will perfectly work out.

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My 2009: A Recall

As 2010 starts, I just would like to recall some memories (highlights) of the previous year.

January
We celebrated New Year (2009) with so much glee. The Belleza Family was complete that time. My aunt from Japan came back to celebrate Christmas and New Year with us in Davao.
This was also the time I took courage to run for CS Rep in the Samahan Elections.
My celebration was not that happy that year. Unlike in 2008, no birthday surprises, less gifts, and friends did not come to my house to celebrate with my family and me. I would say it was not that fun but I still cherished that day, my last teenage celebration.
February
I was elected as the new CS Rep. It was amazing how my batch mates and friends supported me all throughout the campaign period.
This was also the time that our place was caught in fire. It was devastating because lots of houses were burned but fortunately ours was spared. I could still remember how I reacted when my mom called and told me about it. She was telling me that maybe when we get there, we would only see ashes and what remained from the fire. I was in shock. I could not articulate what I felt that time. I was doing GACP work, I still had the guts to finish it while whispering my prayers to the Lord. I was like walking heading to nowhere. I did not want to feel anything that time. I was like hopeless but I was still praying. The ride from school to our house was like the longest travel I have ever had. I was imagining the house and what could it be after the fire. I was thinking of a heavy rain or maybe a tidal wave could help stop the fire. I thought of almost everything that I was hoping God would do just to stop the fire. When I got there, people were crying. It was very smoky. Dark, suffocating smokes were everywhere. It was so crowded with people and saved stuffs. I met my aunt and told me their home and the houses in front of ours were all gone. And the best thing I heard was, our house was safe. It was amazing. I couldn’t thank enough the Lord for answering my prayer. The house in front of ours, which is like 6 human steps away, was totally eaten by fire. It’s really a miracle. I couldn’t stop crying when I got into the house.
Another tragedy that struck the family was that with my Lolo. He got totally sick that he was in the ICU for quite some time. He had heart, lung, and kidney failure; and some other diseases due to old age. It was so hard for the family, emotionally and financially. It was very sad and traumatic.
March
The saddest month of the year. We lost our dear Lolo on the 7th of this month. After almost a month in the ICU, Lolo passed away during his dialysis. I heard the news through a text from my sister. She said Lolo was gone. I was in Kimmy’s house doing SAD and Thesis. I paused and told my friends that my Lolo passed away. I smiled, bowed my head and started crying. It was very painful. I couldn’t believe that it was really true. I was expecting him to be OK. I was wishing that he’ll be in my graduation. I excused myself, went to the bedroom and cried silently. I woke up early so I could go home as early as possible. When I got there, Lolo was already upstairs, resting. I’ve never seen this happy family so sad before. Some were fighting their tears back, some were really crying. I was afraid to show my tears, so I always go to the room when I couldn’t stop my tears from falling. We were in pain but we were strong as a family. Knowing that we’re there for each other gave us the strength to face the loss, to accept, to see the light. March 16th, the burial, was the culmination. It was the saddest. People were crying. Some were wailing. I couldn’t stop crying. The last look was so painful. But again, we had to be strong. After it, every Monday, we visit Lolo.
June - December
I met new friends and family mostly from Samahan Central Board, my CSSEC family (Yang2x, Chuch, Marian, Eaque, CJ, Karen, Jem, Kring, Morny, Kimmy, Jeff, Kamz, Jake, Raffy, Paolo) and Bahaghari—my B family (Jazi, Drew and Jefford) w/ Ianne, Kuya Kevz, Ate Sheng, Beiah, etc. Of course, I could not forget my kambal, Jonathan, who eventually became my best friend. During this period, I was hooked with my responsibility as the CS Rep and somehow did not give much priority on my academics. This also was the period when I learned to appreciate the tragedies that happened to my family and me in the earlier half of the year. I also became happier and amazed of the beautiful things that were happening in my life. I could never thank God enough for making me wonderfully happy despite the losses and pains. It’s amazing how His plans work. God really knows what to do to fill in the voids in my heart, to make me feel special and loved. There were also first times that I’ve done this year that helped me learn more about life. I became more patient and understanding. And of course, been able to become a better person.


This year has been very significant to my life. I lost some, but I earned a lot. The tragedies and pains made me a better person. It made me appreciate God’s plans more. So this 2010, I have a strong and happy heart to face the new challenges and experience more happiness and wonderful blessings.


Earn Money and Friends @ myLot.com

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