Because I can only do so much

In life there are things that you have no control of. Even how much you try to put things in place, perfectly design it, do your best and give your all, they may not just be enough.

I learned that I could only do so much; that despite all my efforts, things may not go my way, as what I expect them to be.

I have done things that I have never done before—my firsts. I thought that if I go beyond my routines, that if I do something unusual, that if I do it, things will be perfectly beautiful. But it was not the case.

I have done my best. I have been very prepared. I thought that if things are in place, that if all are set, that if I am just prepared, things will be smooth sailing. Again, it was not the case.

I have given my all. In my perspective, I gave my all. I thought that if I won’t hold back, that if I do everything I can do and give, things would go my way. It was not the case.

At the end of the day, I realized that even if I did what I’ve never done before, did my very best and gave my all, it’s not always an assurance that things will be perfectly well. There are things that I, we, have no control of like sickness, natural calamity, etc. I can have no control of them nor prevent them from coming. They are external. They are beyond my control.

It is just sad that my efforts could be wasted because these external factors may not coincide with what I plan, with what I want to happen. And so I prayed that they might be very kind to me, that God intervenes and let not external factors ruin my plans. I asked for a divine intervention but it did not work, at least not the way I expected the answered prayer to be. In short, things did not go perfectly well. I was frustrated and disappointed. My efforts. My money. My time. My happiness. Not so much catered.

But I realized, I should still be thankful for what happened. First, I learned to do something new and it was a wonderful feeling to be able to do something out of passion, and not just because of a mere requirement or anything. Second, I should be proud of myself for being prepared, for doing my best to make things well. I think it is something I should be happy for. Lastly, I should never be frustrated nor lose heart because of some unfortunate events. What mattered more was that I gave my all. I am never regretful. I realized that I am already happy of what happened. I was just clouded of the not-so-good events that I failed to see the beauty of my experience.

I am HAPPY. Things may have not gone my way but it was more than enough that in my own capacity, I gave everything I got. And that I still worked on to make things perfectly well. So, I enjoyed, had fun and learned something new in this life.

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